1. Stress and feeling overwhelmed
2. Lack of good self-care
3. Family of origin patterns and responses
4. Personality traits, genetics, cultural influences
5. We feel threatened in some way
6. When our expectations aren’t met
7. A reaction to some kind of obstacle
8. When something we are trying to communicate isn’t received
9. We are worried, afraid, or hurt 

Remember negative emotions, like anger, are not good or bad. They are just part of being human. Such feelings tell us that something is wrong. Noticing them and figuring out the cause can keep us safe. However, the way we cope with negative feelings is critical. Having some simple tools to help you calm down will increase your ability to handle anger, resolve conflict, and solve problems.

Here are some tips and ideas for calming yourself down:

• Pause. Take five deep breaths slowly.
• Pause. Count to 10.
• Pause. Take a drink of cold water.
• Say: “I am very upset right now. I need a moment to myself. I’ll be back soon.” Leave the room.
• Meditate or pray each day for 5-10 minutes.
• Say a calming phrase over and over: “This will soon pass.” “This relationship matters.” “It’s only a phase.” “I can get through this.”

What are one or two new "cool" ideas you can use the next time you feel "hot"?